writing

Early Morning Writing Time

This week, I resumed my early morning writing routine, and it was glorious.

The thing that I really need for Writing Time is for it to be open-ended. I need to sit down to write knowing that I have a lot of time available. Not too much time, of course; if I have six hours to write, it would be super easy to start cleaning the kitchen or reading a book and think, I’ll write later. Ideally, I’d have two to four hours of writing time that would be uninterrupted.

And the thing is – it is most helpful if there’s not a Big Thing I Have To Do at the end of the writing time. And that is really hard to come by.

Usually, I wake up at 4(ish) in the morning, go for a run, and then sit down to write until about 6 a.m. It’s not as much time as I’d like – about 90 minutes at the most – but it’s a decent amount of time.

HOWEVER. At the end of the 90 minutes, I have to get dressed and ready for work. When there’s a Thing I Need To Do, my tendency is to want to get it done immediately so that I can focus. (This doesn’t apply to all areas of my life, but does apply here.) So I end up getting dressed and ready before I start writing, which eats into my time.

And then, still, I know that it’s not that long before I have to get myself going and out the door. Not to mention – at any point during this Writing Time, a small child may either start crying from his crib or come out of his room and climb into my lap.

So it’s hard to get into a groove on days like that. It’s hard to imagine waking up even earlier – 3:30 a.m.?  THREE?! – but I am hoping that someday, as much as I love my current school, perhaps I can transfer to an elementary school so that my work day will start a little later. (Also, I love working with younger kids!  Middle school has been wonderful, but elementary school is my sweet spot.) Right now, I need to be at work sometime between 7 and 7:20 a.m. If I work at an elementary school someday, I believe I’ll need to be at school later – more like 8:45 a.m. That won’t give me as much time as I’d like on the afternoon/evening side of the day, but it would give me valuable writing time in the mornings.

But this week? During my two weeks off due to the coronavirus crisis? I am able to wake up at 4 a.m. knowing that my early morning time is mine. If I get all the way to 6:30 a.m. and I haven’t gotten dressed yet, that is just fine. That’s a solid 2 1/2 hours of Writing Time, with no particular thing that has to get done at a certain time at the end of it.

I know my mornings for the next few weeks won’t always go like this, but it’s been helpful to me to realize how different it feels to sit down to write with Enough Time. I am constantly feeling the effects of a scarcity mindset – i.e., feeling like there is Not Enough of the things I want and need. And that definitely applies to my time. 90 minutes is not enough writing time – not enough to really sink into fiction writing, not even enough to really delve into anything serious or meaningful.

I want to shift that mindset; I know that a scarcity mindset is not the best thing for me or for anyone. It doesn’t help me to be positive, optimistic, energetic, and generous. It doesn’t help me to be happy.

But also? I sometimes beat myself up for not being able to do more, accomplish more. I get frustrated that I haven’t finished a novel yet. I get down on myself for not finishing and submitting short stories for publication.

So it is often helpful for me to get a reality check and realize: THIS IS HARD.

It is not easy to prioritize writing as a full-time working parent with two young kids. My kids come first; I am not willing or able to sacrifice too much Kid Time so I can write. That gives me these little pockets of time – and they are little! It’s hard to do the kind of writing I want to do this way.

The other reality check is: THIS WILL BE EASIER. When I do have a longer period of time, the writing flows. It doesn’t even have to be four hours. I woke up at 4 a.m. to write today, and I felt loose and nimble – like I’d stretched and jogged and was ready to run a brisk 5K. Image result for what you do every day matters more than what you do once in a whileThere is a someday, when my writing time and life and routine will be more productive. Right now, that someday is NOW. Eventually, that someday will be summertime. Beyond that – who knows?

And all of this really adds up to just GRATITUDE. Gratitude for the time I do get to write, and realization that there is benefit to having bigger chunks of time to devote to writing. For my Writing Life, I think that I need consistency AND dedicated time. I need to write every single day, for my mental health, self-care, and routine. And I also need to find longer stretches of writing time when I can – an early morning solo coffee date, maybe, or an evening when I soldier through my post-bedtime exhaustion and devote 2 to 3 hours to a project.

I’ll likely say this over and over again, but – I feel guilty when I feel gratitude for this Writing Time. The only reason why my early mornings have been so productive this week is my unexpected week off due to the coronavirus crisis. And I am not happy or grateful for the coronavirus – not at all. I’m scared for the world, anxious for us all. I wish this was not happening.

Yet I am grateful for my Writing Time and for time with the boys. And I do believe in focusing on the good and making the best of whatever life brings us.

So cheers to that. And if you have any suggestions for making time for writing, I am always eager for tips and tricks!

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writing

Cobwebs

Whenever I re-enter a writing routine after some time away, it requires a little bit of “clearing the cobwebs.”

When I haven’t been writing regularly, things build up. There’s so much in my mind that it’s hard to focus – difficult to know exactly what I want and need to write about.

I have never been able to go directly from “not writing regularly” to “productive fiction writing.” Never. And that’s where this blog comes in!

I have big goals about the kind of writing I want to do. But this blog? It’s public, yes – but it’s also my own little safe space. I use my blog as a way to process the world around me and the world inside my mind. They are both complex, chaotic, and extraordinary.

Today is my first day of two unexpected weeks free from school. There’s a lot happening in the world. I don’t think of these two weeks as a vacation. I’m not sure what’s going to be expected of me from my job – I work at a public middle school – and Tamara and I have been looking for any opportunities out there to provide able-bodied service to people who need it. I feel extremely grateful that I have a job that’s paying me during this coronavirus crisis, and I feel grateful that my kids are little enough not to feel the fear and anxiety that are vibrating through the world right now.

Yet, it’s still two weeks off. It’s a mandated slowdown. It’s a chance, for lucky people like me, to tackle things around the house, to be of service to others, and to be the best version of ourselves at a time that demands the best of us.

I have a tendency to get anxious and/or depressed. For me, this typically shows up more in everyday life than during a crisis. I can rise to the occasion during a crisis – I have to do it at my job almost every day. But during regular ol’ everyday life, I can get stuck in a rut or down in the dumps easily and periodically.

So, at a time like this, I try to check in with myself. What do I need, to keep myself calm, healthy, and productive? There are a lot of things – but writing is front and center.

I’ve been a bit burnt out at work lately. I’ve also been off my blogging schedule. Those two things nearly always coincide. So if I want to feel healthy and strong during this crazy and unpredictable time, I need to BE WRITING. Period. End of story.

My plan for the next two weeks is to get back into my 4 a.m. writing routine, which has slipped recently thanks to some sleep regression for Jonas and some tiredness for me. The gift of being off work is that those first two early morning hours can be devoted entirely to writing if I want. (Usually, I exercise and get myself ready for the day during that time, but since I’m off work, those things can happen a little later in the morning.) I wish I could utilize nap time or post-bedtime for writing, but they’re not reliable. Edgar sometimes doesn’t nap; he’ll have quiet time every day, but it involves him popping out of his room periodically, which doesn’t really allow me to get into a writing flow. And the evenings – I’ve been staying up a little later recently, but I am often just wiped. My evenings tend to be a time for reading (input) not writing (output)!

This blog post was written during a fairly successful episode of Quiet Time for Edgar. More to come. Stay safe and stay home (if you can), everyone!

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writing

An Update On My Writing Life

For the fall of 2019, I made a conscious choice to take a break from writing fiction.

It’s January 2020 now, and I want that break to be over. For the first time in several months, I’ve been feeling like I have the energy, the creativity, and the bandwidth to dive back into the endeavor of fiction writing. I am excited. I am PUMPED.

I’m also not exactly sure where to start.

My daily morning routine is great but needs a little tweaking. I wake up at around 4, and I have to leave for work by 6:30 a.m. Usually the last 30 minutes of that time (or more) is devoted to hanging with my kids; they wake up at around 6 a.m. if I’m lucky, or at 5/5:30 a.m. if I’m not. In the best case scenario, I use around 30 to 45 minutes of that time for writing, but oftentimes it’s more like 15 or 20 minutes. That’s not really enough time to dive into a fiction project, so that writing time is usually centered on blogging.

For the past week or so, I’ve been scheduling pockets of time to devote to writing fiction – or rather, time to think and plan related to fiction writing. This time has mostly been centered around a writing course by Jennie Nash that I purchased over winter break. It’s called Write Your Book: Start Strong and Get It Done, and I purchased it via the website Creative LiveThe course, so far, seems to be closely aligned with the Story Genius method, and I’m liking it a lot. Exploring the exercises Jennie Nash “assigns” is helping me to reacquaint myself with the novel I started writing last summer. I had forgotten so much of it, and because of that, I’d convinced myself that the novel was boring and should possibly be abandoned. But once I started to re-read some of the prep work I did last July, I realized that I am excited about it, and that this is definitely a project I can jump back into.

So, the tricky thing about fiction writing is that I need to schedule it intentionally; it’s not going to just happen in the little random half-hours of time I discover in the middle of a busy day. When I sit down to write fiction, I need to be READY. I need to have at least some idea of where I’m at with a project and what I want to tackle next. That’s not how it works for me with blogging; with blogging, I can just sit down and GO and produce something, even if it’s not perfect.

I am learning to find the time. I’m scheduling time to write during my post-bedtime routine or during weekend nap time. I plan to listen to Jennie Nash videos while I’m doing household tasks, like tidying or unpacking.

And I am PUMPED. Pumped to get some fiction writing done and to be ready to REALLY dig into it during my summer.

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blogging · writing

Checking In

It’s been really challenging finding time to write recently, and that’s in part because my children keep waking up at five o’clock in the morning.

The funny thing is – it’s not like I’m losing sleep when they wake up at five. My alarm goes off at 4 A.M. every single weekday. But, at 5 A.M., I am usually just about to sit down to do some writing – and then, minutes later, a small child is cuddled in my lap.

On the one hand, I love this. I’m a working parent, and morning snuggles are precious. If the boys start sleeping until 6:30 or 7 A.M., then I might not even see them in the morning.

On the other hand – I wake up at 4 so that I can go for a run, get ready for work, and squeeze in an hour of writing before having coffee and breakfast with my family and leaving for work at 6:30 A.M. So, when the boys wake early, something gets abandoned and it’s pretty much always the writing due to the order of events.

It’s 5:11 A.M. as I type this, and I can hear Jonas stirring; I’ve already laid him back down to sleep twice since my alarm went off. So, I’m using this time to troubleshoot. How do I make sure I get time to write, which is important for my self-care, my mental health, and my overall state of mind?

The most obvious answer is to try to start writing at night. The boys go to bed by 7/7:30 P.M., and I usually turn off the lights at around 9. I could do that. It’s usually less interrupted time, and it would probably work.

However – I am such a morning person. My best creative energy comes early in the day. By 7:30 P.M., I am DONE. I feel productive if I’m able to use that last hour of the day to read in bed in my pajamas. To actually produce content, at the time of day? I don’t know if it would work.

I missed a post this week – there was no post on playful + peaceful yesterday. I always do a little check-in with myself when I miss a scheduled posting day. Not because I feel any obligation to a reading audience. I do feel that, a little, but it’s more about my obligation to myself and recognizing how this blog helps me to process my life and the world. If I miss a posting day, it’s usually a sign that things are feeling a little hectic and I’m not finding as much time to take care of myself.

Now, that said – I think that missing my Tuesday post is more about the holidays than anything else. I love the holiday season, and there has been a lot of shopping and wrapping and decorating going on in our home and our life. Not to mention all the unpacking, cleaning, and organizing that’s involved with settling into a new home. These are all GOOD things – good reasons to be slacking on the blog. Way better than when I miss a post because work is too crazy or I’m too tired to do anything creative.

But – is there a solution, to my lack of writing time? It’s 5:46 A.M. and Edgar just climbed into my lap, so here’s my hastily developed plan:

  1. SLEEP TRAIN THESE BOYS. Keep them in their rooms until at least 5:30, and then inch their wake-up times closer and closer to 6 A.M. (We got an OK To Wake clock for Edgar than I’m hoping will help!)
  2. Try out some evening writing. Set expectations low.
  3. Use your commute to do some brainstorming. (I obviously can’t write while I’m driving, but I’ve been using voice memo and speak to text to “jot down” some ideas, and it’s really helping me to keep my thoughts organized and ideas flowing.)
  4. DON’T WORRY ABOUT IT TOO MUCH. It’s the holidays, I have two kids under 4, we just moved, and it’s okay if my writing routine slips a little this month.
  5. BUT WORRY ABOUT IT A LITTLE. I don’t want to keep putting writing on the backburner. I haven’t done any fiction writing since August. I want to strike a balance; I want to prioritize writing while being reasonable with my expectations of myself. If anyone has advice on how to do that, please share!
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self-care · writing

Knowing When To Take A Break

When I sit down to draft my Monthly Goals post, I rarely know what I’m going to write. Drafting the blog post helps me to consider what I want to focus on and make decisions about what priorities to set. One of the greatest gifts I’ve gotten from the blogging life is this space where I can explore my goals and priorities in the way that’s most helpful to me: writing it out on a blank page.

It was mid-August when I sat down to write out my goals for September, and the first thing I considered was my writing. That, all by itself, is an achievement. For the past year, I have truly made writing a priority. I no longer need to remind myself that I want to post on the blog twice weekly; the habit is firmly ingrained. (Pay no attention to my accidental beach vacation hiatus! That was a fluke.)

What I realized when I sat down to write my September goals is: I need to take a break from writing the novel.

I haven’t written nearly as much as I’d hoped to this summer, and that is okay. I am making plans to incorporate novel writing time into my regular routine once the school year starts. But right now, as I transition from staying at home with the boys to working full-time once again – the thing I am most concerned about is maintaining everyday self-care, establishing good routines, and developing a healthy rhythm for the new year. I want to meditate. I want to plan ahead regarding snacks and meals so that I don’t end up eating Commute Candy whenever I’m stressed out. I want to manage my to-do list so that I don’t have low-level anxiety that’s with me subconsciously all day every day.

None of that has anything to do with writing.

It’s about exercise, diet, meditation, and living in a way that is unhurried and intentional. And I don’t feel I can do that while also feeling the pressure to cram in writing time every morning, evening, and nap time.

I feel really good about this decision. It can be so hard to know when we need to step back from a project or activity. When we take a break, it can feel like we’re quitting or being lazy. BUT WE’RE NOT. Especially when we do it with intention. I get to choose what my number one priority is, every minute of every day.

So I’ll take a break, and I’ll revisit the novel in October or even November. (I hear November is a great month to write a novel!) Stay tuned.

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writing

Butt In Chair

I did it!

This week, for the first time since summer started, I used my two kid-free days to work on my novel! WOO HOO KERRIANN!

Whew. It feels good to celebrate! Especially since it was surprisingly hard to actually sit down and get some writing done. It should not have been surprising; I’ve listened to many writers talk about how hard it is to get the work done, even when you have a great passion for writing. There are so many distractions, especially when you’re writing from the living room of your untidy house.

I’d been growing increasingly nervous that I wasn’t going to get any writing at all done this summer. With vacations and day trips and sick kids, it just wasn’t happening. I had already drafted a blog post with the title It’s Okay If My Novel Doesn’t Get Done This Summer. 

But then this week, I got my butt in the chair (a la the #AmWriting podcast with Jess and KJ) and I wrote 8,000 words in two days. Now, this could have been even better, for sure. I am hoping that my ability to write more and longer and better will grow as I stick to my writing routine.

BUT – I did it!

One of my goals is to work on the novel every single day, even if it’s just for five minutes. If I don’t work on it every day, then every time I sit down to write, I have to pull myself back into the story. If I work on it every day, it’s easier for me to dive back in when I actually have a good chunk of time to work on it.

I don’t think the entire novel will get drafted this summer, but I am eight thousand words closer to my goal and I’m relieved.

Onward!

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balance · writing

What Gets In The Way

We can’t solve the problem until we figure out what gets in the way, right?

So, the problem is: I’m not getting as much fiction writing done as I’d like to this summer.

Here’s a list of what’s getting in the way:

  1. Ugh, amazing vacations to the beach! Quality time with family and beautiful sunny days swimming and splashing. SO INCONVENIENT.
  2. The Women’s World Cup. How dare these incredible women play such a fantastic tournament when I’m trying to write? Why didn’t they just get eliminated in the Round of 16 so I wouldn’t lose valuable writing hours cheering them on? RIDICULOUS.
  3. Lots of reading about parenting. I’ve been reading Peaceful Parent Happy Kids to try to be more patient, playful, and peaceful with Edgar, and I’ve been reading The Sleep Easy Solution to try to help with Jonas’s sleep. How am I supposed to grow as a parent AND grow as a writer simultaneously? It’s clearly never been done before. IMPOSSIBLE.
  4. Adorable children with summer birthdays, requiring a moderate amount of housecleaning, party prep, balloon buying, and gift wrapping. Those three-year-olds and their SMILES and JOY.
  5. Wonderful friends who want to hang out and do fun things together. Yes, these are great times and good memories, but is there an increase in my daily word count when I hang out with friends? NO THERE IS NOT.

The bottom line is that I am having a fantastic summer with the boys, Tamara, extended family, and friends. My writing is sometimes on the shelf, but I’ll take it off as soon as I can. I’m typing this from my local Starbucks, where I’ve been for several hours already, so that the dirty dishes in my sink aren’t staring at me as I try to get some writing accomplished. In a few hours, I’ll take a break from writing to read The Sleep Easy Solution, because it’s okay for me to make space in my day for my writing, reading about parenting, and all the other things.

WE GOT THIS.

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