parenting · podcasts

So Many Podcasts

So I’ve been busily and happily listening to podcasts lately. This is interfering with my reading game somewhat, but c’est la vie – four years’ worth of archive episodes of The Girl Next Door weren’t going to listen to themselves.

Now that I’m done with the GND archives, I’ve moved on to some other podcasts, and the category I’m most into right now is parenting podcasts – more specifically, podcasts that talk about parenting but also talk about how to do other things (creative projects, working, self-care) while also parenting.

I’ve been doing some soul-searching about what I want to do next, career-wise, and I’m really interested in hearing how other people have developed their freelance careers or monetized their side hustles – WHILE PARENTING. Because that part is key; I have career goals, but my number one goal is being a present and peaceful parent.

I’m also motivated to listen to podcasts and audiobooks on parenting toddlers; Teddy is starting to have some tantrums, and any and all tips from podcasts and books have been welcome.  I’m really interested in behavior management and parenting theories, but the thing is – during the adoption wait, I couldn’t really consume parenting books. It was too hard. I was thinking about the adoption all the time, and trying to distract myself from the difficulty of the wait. Reading a book about parenting would have been a constant reminder that I was oh-so-ready for something that was not yet happening for me.

I’m playing catch-up now, and podcasts are a little easier for me to digest than reading entire parenting books. I love reading fiction so much that I rarely want to take a break from it to read nonfiction. Listening to nonfiction audiobooks and podcasts is preferable for me.

My new favorite podcast is The Mom Hour – just two moms talking about all things parenting and otherwise. Super fun.  Happy listening!

 

adoption · parenting

Adoptive-Parent-In-Waiting: Part Two

I figured that this month, since I’m focusing on parenting topics, it would be a good time to check in regarding Part Two of my stint as an Adoptive-Parent-In-Waiting.

Tee and I are back on the adoptive parent waiting list, waiting to have a second child placed in our home.

This is exciting. This is HUGE.Worth_the_Wait_wm__63681.1496380714

But also – this is a COMPLETELY different experience, for me, than waiting for Our First Baby was.

We let our friends and family know a few months ago that we were back on the list, waiting for Baby # 2. And now, periodically, friends will check in with me, seeing how the wait is going.

And it is going well. Way, way better than Round 1.

Because I am already a mom. I think that’s the main reason.

Before Teddy came home, I was desperate to be a mom. Desperate. It was the deepest wish of my heart. It was so painful to want to be a mom and to not be able to have that happen.

Now, I have that identity. I AM a mommy. I love being a mommy.

Having a second child will be amazing. But it won’t make me MORE of a mother. I’m already a mother.

And, as much as I want Teddy to have a younger sibling, I am just FULL of love. When a new baby comes, I know my heart will expand. But for now, every bit of it goes to Teddy, Tee, our families, and our friends.

So – it’s different.  It’s a way different feeling. AND I think I learned some things the first time around, since I did pretty much everything wrong with Adoption Wait # 1. Someday, I’ll write a book about everything I did during Adoption Wait # 1, so that other APIWs know what not to do.

I still get butterflies. It’s still challenging to live in a constant state of not knowing if they’ll be a tiny baby in our house tomorrow or if it will be another two years of waiting.

But now – for Adoption Wait # 2- I have a lot more patience and a ton more faith. That makes a big difference.

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adoption · parenting

Good Enough Mom

Ever since Teddy was born, I’ve been planning out his Lifebook in my head.

A Lifebook is a keepsake often associated with adoption. When I worked as a social worker with children who were placed with foster families, one of the first things I did was to find out if they had a Lifebook, and create one for them if they didn’t already have one.

The simplest way to explain it is to call it a scrapbook – a book of photos, words, letters, mementos that tells the child’s life story. For children who are placed with foster families, the Lifebook can be a constant – something that follows them and tells their story, which is especially valuable if they don’t have an adult who is a constant in their life to help them to understand their experiences and their memories.

Teddy’s Lifebook would be a little different. It would basically be a book containing his origin story – a book explaining how we came to be a family. Tee and I have had beautiful plans for his Lifebook. I bought a navy blue braided photo album and farm-themed scrapbook paper. I started plotting out the words that we’d write on sticky notes. I ordered some baby photos from Shutterfly.

And then I stopped.

The thing is – I’m not great at scrapbooking. I enjoy it, in theory. I might even like it, if I were at some sort of scrapbooking party and could work on it while chatting with friends. But when I’m home on a Saturday afternoon, enjoying my two hours of down time while Teddy naps, the absolute LAST thing I want to do is make a freaking scrapbook.

Teddy loves being read to, and I am finding that my favorite way to prepare him for upcoming experiences is through books. We read books about adoption day, Christmas, the potty, mindfulness. It’s amazing to watch him make connections, to see how reading a book  about the potty has helped to prepare him for toilet training.

I knew Teddy would love reading his Lifebook – just a simple story, with pictures of him, me, and Tee, explaining how we came to be a family. And I kept feeling increasing pressure that I HAD to get this book made, so that Teddy could read it with us and start to understand his story. We tell him his adoption story regularly – we’re completely open and honest and joyful about how we came to be a family – but I knew that reading a book together repeatedly would be way more impactful for Teddy. Also, kids go through stages. Maybe in a year or so, Teddy won’t even be into books as much as he is today. (Hard to imagine, with me and Tee as his parents, but it could happen.)

So I felt super stressed and overwhelmed, and the Lifebook still wasn’t getting done.

Then, a couple of weeks ago, I made a decision: I would make a not-that-great Lifebook.

I would do a sub-par job. I would half-ass it.

Someday, I would make a perfect Lifebook for Teddy. But today, I’d make one that was just good enough.

I picked a day, and I sat down that evening to look at websites. I flirted with a few websites that allow you to self-publish a simple children’s book, and then I abandoned them to use Shutterfly. I’ve created books on Shutterfly before – our adoption album, the one that was shown to prospective birth parents, was made on Shutterfly – and that would be the simplest path to take.

I uploaded a bunch of photos – that took basically an entire evening. The only photos I included were photos of me, Tee, and Teddy. If I included extended family or friends, I’d be worrying about balance and including everyone and where the hell is that one photo of Teddy with all his grandparents. NOPE. Not doing any of that. Keeping it simple.

The next evening, I put the photos in place and I typed out the text. I had Tee read it and she gave me some feedback. I proofread it one more time and ordered it.

DONE.

I felt amazing for days after I ordered the book. I was so excited for it to arrive, and I was relieved to have that stress off my shoulders.

That task had been on my to-do list for almost two years. All it took was me deciding that I would settled for “good enough,” and it got done.

And you know what? It’s more than good enough. It’s wonderful. Teddy loves looking at his baby pictures and sitting on my lap listening to the story – his story. 

I’m a recovering perfectionist, and it’s a relief when I give myself permission to do B+ work. Especially when it comes to parenting. Because it’s all about showing up. Admitting that you won’t be able to do any of it perfectly, and showing up anyway.

It’s hard. But worth it.

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blogging · family · parenting

May: Thoughts On Parenting

Yes! This May is the Month of Mommying on the blog.

I’ve started using an editorial calendar for the blog a few weeks ago, and I’m finding it a really helpful tool. Whenever I think of an idea for a post, I think about when it would be best to write and share on that topic, and I tentatively schedule a date for that post. What I’ve discovered is that thinking this way helps me to generate more ideas, and often a theme develops.

That’s what happened with May. I had a few ideas for posts that were related to parenting, and I figured that the month of Mothers’ Day would be a good time for that kind of content. Then, the more I thought about topics related to parenting, the more ideas came to me.

MAGIC.

I hope you enjoy this month of thoughts on parenting (with other subjects blended in there as well).  Happy May!

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parenting · self-care

This Is How You Remind Me #heart

When my son Teddy was a little younger than a year old, he had a pattern. He would start to fade out sometime between 5:30 and 6:30 p.m. every evening. I’ve heard parents call this “the witching hour.”

When Teddy would get into that zone, one of two things would happen: either he would erupt into adorable (and often unprovoked) baby giggles, or he would start having back-to-back meltdowns in rapid succession.

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An interesting phenomenon would occur at this point: Teddy would forget his coping skills.

Yes, even though he was still a baby, Teddy definitely had coping skills. What I mean is – he had activities he could engage in that were reliably comforting and calming for him.  Like standing by the front door looking outside at the cat napping on the porch.  Like looking at a book of baby first words.  Like playing in one of ‘his’ kitchen cabinets.

However, when Teddy is exhausted and burnt out on the crazy baby life and not thinking straight, he forgets about all the things that help him feel better.

That’s where Mommy comes in to save the day.  I’d pull out his favorite baby book and turn it to the page with all the cars on it. I’d shake his little tambourine so he could pretend to dance. I’d scoop him up, carry him to the window, and point out the cat. Then I’d set him down beside the window, and he’d stare at the cat, smiling occasionally. Tantrum over. He didn’t even need me to sit by the window with him.

 

He just needed me to remind him of the things he can do to feel better when he’s struggling.

Oh, boy. Don’t we all need reminders sometimes?

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http://www.nunnovation.com/2018/02/28/self-care-luxury-necessity/

I constantly forget to do the things that help me to feel happy, healthy, and whole as a human being. I start to feel sluggish and it takes me days to realize it’s because I haven’t been running or eating healthy food. My monkey mind starts twisting and turning like crazy, and I forget that going to meetings or meditating or journalling helps me to get out of my head and back in the present moment.

Sometimes Tee or a good friend can remind me; I’m always grateful for that. Often, though, I wish I could remind myself. Sometimes, when I slow down and allow myself a little bit of Kerriann time, I’ll feel myself calming down and getting back to neutral. I daydream about writing messages to myself on giant post-its all around the house.  YOU NEED TO RUN. YOU NEED TO READ. YOU NEED TO WRITE. YOU NEED TO MEDITATE.

I’ll consider it.

For now, I’m grateful to have just finished a day that included reading, writing, a long run, and pancakes. Excellent self-care.

mindfulness · parenting

Mindful Mommying #heart #body #soul

I’ve been thinking hard about ways to cultivate mindfulness in my everyday life.  Lately I’m trying to face up to my sort-of-chronic anxiety, and friends have advised me that mindfulness is an effective tool to use.

Sometimes, mommying can be helpful in this way.  I’ve realized that right now, my mommying time is the least stressful thing in my life.  Not that it’s not tiring or stressful or worry-inducing in its own way – but I feel the most in the zone and in the flow when I am mommying Teddy.

Today we were curled up reading a book together, and I realized that reading to Teddy is one of the few times of day when I am completely and totally engrossed in the task at hand and not multi-tasking in any way.

That’s a breath of fresh air, for me.

Not everything I do with Teddy is quite as mindful.  Sometimes, when we take our walks outside, I have a podcast playing on my phone while we walk and play. I try not to beat myself up about this, but it’s definitely something I’d like to be different someday.

One of my intentions for 2018 was to meditate more – again, with the hope t

hat it will help my anxiety.  I’ve been doing pretty well with this habit, but I’m grateful for the mommying moments that pull me into the present.

SIDEBAR: we just borrowed a book from the library called Baby Present, by Rachel Neumann, which I got partially because I thought Teddy would like it and partially because the book is basically a mini meditation.  It’s delightful and I feel myself relax into the moment every time we read it.

 

adoption · family · parenting

Be The Person You Want Your Kid To Look Up To #heart #body

So I have a son now.14812631-toys-teddy-bear-stock-vector-cartoon

I know – it’s incredible.  There are no words.

Life is very different.  And it’s causing me to think a lot about my habits.

Today, I had a TV show on in the background while I was feeding and burping my little teddy bear.  When we were done with snuggly second breakfast time, I noticed that his eyes kept travelling to the computer screen.  And as much as I love Jane The Virgin, I don’t want my infant son to be watching television.  And I definitely don’t want my teenaged son to watch as much TV as I’ve been watching lately.

There are so many bad habits I don’t want Teddy to learn from me: eating junk food, getting stresse13501638_1112395762154994_8178056772099331938_nd, binge-watching TV shows mindlessly.

And there are so many GOOD habits I want him to learn from me!  Exercise.  Healthy eating.  Mindful living.

Is it problematic if the only reason I get motivated to work on a habit is to
be a good role model for Teddy?  I don’t think so.  I think that any impetus to get motivated is a good one.

I’m the same person I was before Teddy came home.  The difference is that now I want to be better.  For him.  Which I imagine is what every parent wants.

I heard this said recently: “Your kids will never listen to what you say, but they can’t help but imitate who you are.”  I am definitely convinced that this is true.