On my first official day of summer break, I found myself sitting on the floor of my living room, with a folder full of notes on my potential novel, my laptop, a pen, and a fistful of looseleaf paper.
It was TIME. The boys were at day care. After a busy school year and several months of no fiction writing at all, I now had time to sit down and focus on drafting my first novel.
And then – the nerves hit.
I was excited, and energized, and optimistic. But also so, so nervous! When you have actually carved out the time and the space in your life so that there is room for pursuing your goal – THAT IS TERRIFYING.
Because what if I try to write my novel, and I can’t do it? Or what if I write it, and it totally sucks?
I actually have told a fair amount of people that I’m going to be using my solo hours this summer to write. Which I’m glad about – it’s given me some accountability. If any of these people happen to ask me how the writing is going, I want to be able to report something other than “I’m too distracted by laundry, dishes, and texting to focus on my writing.”
I feel motivated, too, to write the adoption-themed novel I’ve been daydreaming about. Especially since I read a novel recently that was so adoption-negative that it made me want to cry!
I know that I can’t let nerves get in the way of doing my best work. I just have to keep my head in the game and my butt in the chair, as they say on the #AmWriting podcast. Only in my case, my butt will be on the floor, apparently. On the floor, surrounded by notes and scribbled pages, my flip-flops kicked off and my laptop front and center, a cup of coffee close by.
LET’S DO THIS!