meditation · mindfulness

Zen Kerriann

A few days ago, I finished reading one of my Slow Jams – Buddhism Is Not What You Think, by Steve Hagen. It was great, although I preferred the first book I read by Hagen, which was called Buddhism Plain And Simple.  

Now, I only had a few takeaways from this book, and this was in part because the book emphasized several simple and key points repeatedly. My biggest takeaway was this: you can’t sit down to meditate because you’re trying to achieve something. If you’re trying to achieve something – peace, health, enlightenment – then you’re missing the point.

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Huh.

Yeah. I don’t know about that.

It certainly doesn’t resonate with my current feelings about meditation. For the past few months, I’ve continually come back to this thought: I really need to meditate. 

I have meditated, on and off, for years, but I’ve never maintained a regular meditation practice. Meditation is recommended to me often – as a source of strength and connection in my recovery, as a way to clear my monkey mind. The biggest reason I’ve been wanting to meditate recently is that I’m facing up to the fact that I am a pretty anxious person, and that my anxiety and my fears often affect my mental and physical well-being.

I listened to an audio program that outlined 12 steps toward practicing mindfulness meditation well, and I learned a lot. But putting it all into practice is a challenge, especially in the midst of caring for an infant, getting little sleep, and eating mostly candy with the occasional home-cooked organic vegetable squeezed in here and there.

The program highlighted the simple things you need to engage in mindfulness meditation and to see the benefits of this practice, such as consistency and quieting your judging mind. It also talked about doing EVERYTHING mindfully – eating, walking, breathing, etc. That seems like a lofty goal when right now I’m doing almost nothing mindfully.

Whew. Well, this has been a long few weeks, and I’m tired. I’m looking forward to taking the next few days to reset, and meditation is on the agenda. Maybe I am missing the point of meditation – but I don’t think so. I think it’s okay to seek the benefits – mentally, emotionally, physically – of meditation. Along the way, I will likely come to realize that acceptance of the present is the only real thing we can “achieve” when we meditate – and maybe I’ll have decreased my anxiety and increased my capacity for stress enough to enjoy that realization more fully when it comes.

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