This time around, the adoption wait is way easier. But I am still struggling a lot when it comes to getting a call about a potential baby and then having to wait days and weeks to find out if that baby is Our Baby.
I found this out recently, and it genuinely surprised me. I thought I had this waiting thing under control. I did not think I’d have the same level of panic and uneasiness with the uncertainty.
Then, we got a call about a baby who could potentially be placed with our family. The waiting started. And I did all the wrong things, once again. I planned things out in my head. I daydreamed. I thought of names.
And then – that baby wasn’t Our Baby. And that’s okay. I trust that our second child is on its way and that all will be well.
But in the moment, while I’m waiting for a phone call (if it’s a yes) or an e-mail (if it’s a no)? In that moment, I am still having a really hard time with the wait.
I have no reliable strategies for dealing with this uncertainty. But today I am pondering the notion of surrender. This concept is discussed often in recovery meetings – the idea that we admit that we’re powerless over something, and turn it over to a power greater than us.
Now, I’m not a religious person, and I struggle with belief in God. But that hasn’t stopped me from finding peace and serenity in recovery. Because the most powerful thing a person with an unsolvable problem can do simply admit that she’s powerless and let it go.
This is tricky when it comes to problems we feel like we CAN control – how much money , we have, what size jeans we wear, our relationships with others. It still works, for me, in all of those situations – but it’s harder to let go of control.
But, with the adoption wait? It is not hard to admit that I am completely powerless over the situation. Unless I am going to go out and find an adoptive child on my own – which some people do, but is not for me – there’s pretty much nothing I can do about the wait.
Just admit I’m powerless, surrender to the wait, and enjoy my everyday life without worrying about when Baby # 2 will arrive.
Sounds good.
I know that the next time the phone rings, it’ll be a struggle to keep my mind and my heart from running away from the present. But today? Today I feel content. I’ll hang on to that for now.
