How did it take me so long to find Glennon Doyle Melton?
I love her. I love her the way we love writers who could be good friends if the fates aligned. I’ve officially added her to my list of Women I Simultaneously Admire & Envy.
I was recently re-reading this post from April 2015, a time when I was thinking a lot about the Women I Simultaneously Admire & Envy. Brene Brown. Cheryl Strayed. Elizabeth Gilbert. Gretchen Rubin. Women who write – women who are all about self-discovery and personal growth – women who are honest and talented and have created lives that seem to include, from my faraway view, freedom and authenticity.
Glennon Doyle is now on the list, too. However, I have to confess that before I started exploring her writing, I had a bit of a resentment toward Glennon. The story of her success is one I envy – she was a stay-at-home mom and she started writing beautiful, honest messages on her blog. Her writing was powerful and it caught fire. She’s now a published writer who works for herself.
This made me mad. I have similar resentments to other people – mainly writers. If you’re younger than me and a published writer, I will experience a twinge of envy and resentment toward you. Especially if you were able to achieve success while home wearing yoga pants.
However, when I dig deep, I know that my real resentment is toward myself, for not taking the time and energy to work on making a career as a writer. Or not even a career – a hobby. A side hustle. Whatever is needed so that I feel I am exercising my creativity, expressing myself honestly and authentically through my writing. Glennon does this. Once I started to read her words – I finished Carry On Warrior in a day and am halfway through her new memoir – my resentment melted away, replaced by inspiration and hope. Glennon writes, “I am happiest when I have finished an essay that says what I mean.” I wholeheartedly agree.
So it’s not about resentment toward women writers who are successful; it’s about resentment toward myself for not following my heart.
And then. There’s this one other thing.
The more people find success in this area – writing related to spirit, self-discovery, and personal growth – the more I am afraid that there won’t be enough room for me to have success, too. I worry that all the good stories have already been told. I worry that all the good books have already been written.
Ugh. Brene Brown already told me that I have enough! That we live in a culture of scarcity and that we need to practice gratitude and overcome our fears of “never enough.” But I am all about scarcity and fear of the dark, apparently. I have all the symptoms: it’s hard for me to be happy when people around me achieve success in one of *my* areas; I’m constantly comparing myself and my journey to others; and I struggle with setting and working toward long-term goals, because I secretly think they are too good to be true.
I’m a work-in-progress – progress not perfection. Al;so, I started googling Glennon quotes while writing this and I’m pretty sure she’s watching me via some sort of candid camera, because this is the first quote that popped up:
Sing it, sister. Message received. More on my love of Glennon to come.