adoption · family

All The Feels #heart

Last year, my 2016 Mother’s Day was difficult.

Tee and I spend every Sunday from May through November at the Catonsville Farmers Market.  Which I love.  However – any farmers market is a hot bed of pregnant women and young mothers.  Last year, when I was an Adoptive-Parent-In-Waiting – and had been for over two years –  I spent the entirety of the market wishing others a happy mother’s day to others and then desperately seeking reassurance from the universe that Our Baby was coming.

Because it felt like Our Baby would NEVER EVER EVER COME.

Now, Our Baby is home.  And he’s sweet and smart and wonderful.  And I feel a tremendous amount of joy just being at the farmers market, watching Teddy crawl around and climb into vegetable crates and (oops) eat fistfuls of dirt out of a pepper plant.

But today – sitting at market, watching Teddy, and surreally receiving happy mother’s day greetings from everyone I saw – I couldn’t help thinking of last year.  Of how sincerely desperate and sad I felt.  Because, while Teddy was completely and totally worth the wait – that period of sadness and longing was no less painful because of the wonderfulness I have now.  It was heart-wrenching to be a wannabe mom waiting for Her Baby.

As a member of the DPS, I always have an awareness on Mother’s Day and Father’s Day of people who are feeling the pain of being without a living parent.  But this year, I wish I could find all the moms-waiting-for-Their-Baby in the world and give them a hug.  Even knowing that if the mom of a ten-month-old had tried to console me last Mother’s Day, I would have kicked her in the shins pretty hard.

Anyway – today, on my first mother’s-day-as-a-mother, I am joyful and grateful for all my blessings.  And I am filled with empathy for those still waiting for Their Baby, and I wish I could fill them with the faith that I could not grasp on all my mother’s days as an Adoptive-Parent-In-Waiting.

Oh – and thank you, sweet Teddy, for giving me my faith back.  ❤

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