Oh, man. I am definitely riding the struggle bus lately.
Specifically, I’ve been experiencing an identity crisis related to my day job.
I’ve previously blogged about the ups and downs I’ve been having at work since Teddy came home. For so long, waiting for Teddy took up all of my heart.
Now, Teddy’s home. Tee and I are healthy and stressed-but-oh-so-happy. And I’m trying to figure out what I want my life to look like.
I’ve come up with a few different things I’m looking for in my work life: A shorter commute. Fewer hours. Less stress. More fun and play. An organization that is aligned with my values.
I’ve always felt best when I was working with a group of people who felt happy, committed to their work, and inspired. Genesee. AmeriCorps. Sigh.
So – I’m evaluating my options. I’m deciding what my next move will be. And I’m wondering, not for the first time, if I did it all wrong – career, grad school, jobs.
I once talked to a girl who’d decided to become a yoga therapist. She was around 30 years old at the time. She said, “I finish teaching a class, and I’m filled with energy. I’m so grateful that I’ve found what gives me the most joy when I’m so young.”
Sigh, sigh, sigh.
I very much want to find work that helps me to feel energized and alive. It’s possible that I just need a change. Or, that I need to get back to my two greatest loves – working with children and creative writing.
So, I’m taking steps. Applying for new jobs. Going to interviews. Trying to carve out time for fiction writing.
But – here’s the second half of my struggle: How do I stay mindful and peaceful in the midst of striving and change?
Transitions are always a challenge. In my experience, it’s difficult to physically be at one job when your heart and your mind are out there searching for a new job. Last week I felt a lot of anxiety for that reason. I’m trying to recenter – to ground myself in the knowledge that I am, as always, exactly where I need to be.