Oh, comparison- you annoying bitch.
My struggles with comparing out are closely related to my current status in a particular area of life. During the adoption wait, I had a hard time NOT comparing myself to expectant or new mothers.
Right now, what’s been happening is that I am making efforts to get serious about writing.
It’s scary just to type those words.
When I sit down to write, I think about a bunch of things:
1. I think about all the published authors I know and how inferior I am to them.
2. I think about the mistakes I’ve made as a writer in the past, and I feel intense shame.
3. I think of why I initially pulled away from writing, and I wonder if it’s too late to begin again.
This points me toward an important lesson I’ve been trying to write on my heart: Your path doesn’t have to be the same as anyone else’s.
And also, just as importantly – just because you chose a different path – that doesn’t make other paths wrong or dumb or something to mock. Sometimes, when I feel insecure, I start to inwardly condemn others. I imagine that others are judging or mocking me, and I start to fight back with my own condemnation. (All of this is playing out in my head, mind you. Like it does in the mind of any totally sane individual.)
You can accept yourself without condemning others. Having a long, winding path to your dreams doesn’t make you less awesome; it might even make you more interesting or marketable because you’ve gathered valuable experiences along your way. You could be a savant with a lot of different passions who’s also a badass aspiring writer. Just sayin’.
I want to pursue this goal. It’s okay if it doesn’t happen tomorrow. But it will happen.
Right now, my job is to just keep writing.