adoption · self-care

#Adoptive-Parent-In-Waiting

There are days when I feel desperately sad and frustrated and done with this adoption wait.

Much of this desperation has to do with my own expectations.  I expected that our adoption wait would be shorter.  I expected that things would work out the way I wanted them to, and when they haven’t worked out according to my timeline, I get overwhelmed and I feel like something major is wrong with me or with my life.

My expectations are related to my sense of entitlement.  I think we all have a little of this in us, and it’s our job to do reality checks and to keep ourselves grounded.

Being a mother is not something I am entitled to; there are probably lots of people out there who want to be a mother and are not able to.  Being a mother before I am 35 is not something I am entitled to.  Being a mother without having to wait too long is not something I’m entitled to; when I am throwing myself a pity party, I remind myself that there are people struggling with infertility, people who’ve been waiting for their adoptive child for years, etc.  21-600x600

I keep reminding myself of a Cheryl Strayed quote; she included these words in a Dear Sugar letter to a writer whose sense of entitlement contributed significantly to her struggles.  “You don’t have a right to the cards you believe you should have been dealt with,” she writes.  “You have an obligation to play the hell out of the ones you’re holding.”

Sometimes, I am so busy worrying about when Our Baby will come or why Our Baby hasn’t come yet that I forget that life is still going on all around me.  The game of life isn’t on pause while I wait; I’m living it.  And I have so, so much to be grateful for.

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