adoption

#Adoptive-Parent-In-Waiting #woes #hopes

The funny thing about documenting the trials and tribulations of the adoption wait is that once Our Baby comes home, not only will all these trials and tribulations seem and be worth it, I also will likely not even remember them.

This is something I’m extremely grateful for – my tendency to remember the good times in life and forget the bad and the stressful.

My memory can be funny like this.  In general, my ability to remember things varies; I forget to complete important tasks, but I’m great with names and faces.  (I often lament the fact that my long-term memory isn’t great; I don’t want to ever forget precious memories, especially memories I have of my dad.)

Anyway, at times when I find myself documenting the woes of the adoption wait, it seems a little ironic to me – documenting things that I will, most likely, quickly forget once Our Baby is home.

Alas, here are some of my woes:

Woe Number Eight: The whole ‘hurry up and wait’ phenomenon.

We attended our first information meeting with our agency, Adoptions Together, in September 2013.  Immediately following the meeting, we initiated the adoption application process.  It took us several months – from September through December – to get all of our paperwork completed and submitted.  Then, in January 2014, our social worker started our home study process, which involves her coming out to visit us several times, and even more paperwork needing to be completed.  The home study was completed, finalized, and submitted in April 2014.

Those eight months – from September 2013 to April 2014 – were busy and stressful, especially for people who hate errands and paperwork as much as Tee and I do.  I love that we are adopting a child, but I experienced a lot of anxiety related to having to be “approved” as adoptive parents.  So I was relieved and thankful once our home study was officially approved, because it meant the chaos of pulling paperwork together, as well as my anxiety over us being approved, could cease.

Then, after all that chaos and craziness, it’s time to wait.

And wait.  And wait.  And wait.  756

While our home study was still in process, the agency warned us about how hard the wait would be.  But I didn’t quite believe them.  I couldn’t imagine anything being worse than that anxiety and craziness.

And I wouldn’t really say that the wait is worse – but it is extremely difficult.  However – let me end this woe on a positive note – there’s no doubt in my mind that Our Baby is worth the wait.  🙂

Woe Number Nine: This woe isn’t always a woe, but it’s something interesting I’ve noticed.

In previous posts, I’ve talked about the effect of evil technology on the adoption wait – how I will refresh my e-mail on my phone constantly, like every two minutes, to see if there’s an e-mail from the adoption agency.

There’s a bittersweet moment that occurs every weekday.  It’s the moment when I realize that the work day is done – meaning that there will not be any more adoption e-mails coming that day.  Usually, it’s around six o’clock – the time that I imagine the agency social workers will be packing up their things and heading home for the day.  Sometimes, it might stretch to 6:30 or 7:00 in my mind, but never later.

That moment is disappointing, of course, because it means there will not be any news of Our Baby that day.  However – there’s also a sense of relief in that moment.  Not “thank goodness, Our Baby’s not coming today” – I never feel like that!  It’s more like: “You can stop checking your phone every two minutes.  Our Baby is coming, but there won’t be any more news about Our Baby today.”  On Fridays, it’s even more meaningful, because it means we won’t be getting any adoption e-mails for the next two days.

I am grateful, at those moments, to feel a sense of relief from my compulsive e-mail checking, relief which I am usually unable to grant myself.  I’ve tried taking my e-mail off my phone – I’ve tried putting my phone away, where I won’t think about it – but I always end up checking it regularly, and feeling a jolt of disappointment when there’s no adoption news waiting.

Sidebar: Listing these woes is incredibly therapeutic for me, but it doesn’t really fit with my efforts to be positive and to not complain.  For balance, I am introducing my Hopes!

Hope Number One: This past Christmas, one of my stocking stuffers from Tee was this adorable book called Mommy, Mama, and Me.  It is precious and sweet, and I can’t wait to read it to Our Baby.  (Or, to have Tee read it to both of us while we fall asleep together.  Yeah – that’s better.)

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