My summer is as planned out as it’s going to be, and I feel fine.
I originally thought I’d plan out our summer in pretty intricate detail. It would be a loose plan, and very flexible – but a plan with a detailed agenda and lots of fun things to check off the list. In fact, one of my June goals was: Make a big, awesome plan for my summer schedule, including a daily schedule for each day of the week (loose, but daily), and an overall calendar for the entire summer.
Yeah – that’s too much.
I am a planner, and yet not a planner at all. When I took the Myers Briggs personality test over a decade ago, I scored as a big-time P in the Judging vs. Perceiving category, which is all about how you deal with the world. The Js prefer a more structured and decided lifestyle while the Ps prefer a more flexible and adaptable lifestyle.
I’ve been thinking about this a lot, and I think I’m still a P – but maybe not as big of a P as I used to be. Life has shown me that I’ve needed more structure, for my mental health, for my kids, and for just adulting in general. (Like, we can’t just roll out of bed and then grab coffee with a friend from college – not when we live in different states, work for a living, and have families and a bunch of other responsibilities!)
I’ve always thought that I should be a subcategory – Ps don’t make to-do lists and Js make them constantly, but what about people like me who a) love to make lists but b) either lose them or fail to check off the items on the list completely? That’s ME.
I am also someone who engages in Aggressive Summer Planning for a few weeks but then hits a wall and decides that the rest of my summer planning will be left to chance, spontaneity, and fate. We’ll see how it goes. Summer starts NOW!
Over the course of the past two weeks, our family has had two weird and costly incidents. Each incident was a silly mistake – the kind of thing an absent-minded professor might do – and they resulted in a banged-up car and a smashed cell phone. These were bummer incidents, of course, but we were able to laugh at the funny parts of the stories and not stress too much over what happened.
These two things happening in close succession did cause me to wonder about our family’s general status. Like, are we so exhausted that we’re not functioning correctly? Are we trying to do too much? Are certain kinds of activity overstimulating for all of us, to the point that we really need to focus on slowing down and being present to avoid costly damage and general life headaches?
Then today, I went to the doctor. I never, ever go to the doctor. I have sort of a phobia, but it’s not about germs or sickness. My phobia is this: I am always worried that I’ll go to the doctor and find out that there’s nothing wrong with me. Then I’ll feel foolish, like I am imagining illnesses in my head. It is DEFINITELY a souvenir of my childhood and will be dealt with in a therapy session someday, I’m sure.
But I got three bad sore throats in a row, and I haven’t had a sore throat in years. When you google “persistent sore throat,” the internet throws you a whole bunch of websites talking about throat cancer. And then two days ago, I felt a decent-sized lump in my throat. (NOT the metaphorical kind that’s related to nervousness! The internet had trouble understanding that the lump I was googling was not caused by anxiety.) The lump freaked me out, even though Tamara assured me it was probably swollen lymph nodes related to some kind of infection. So I made a doctor’s appointment, and it turns out that I actually have strep throat, and probably have had it for several weeks.
This blew my mind a little. I was relieved that I hadn’t been imagining my illness, and I was relieved that I most likely don’t have throat cancer. But I couldn’t believe that I had strep and didn’t realize it. And that thought brought me back to reflecting on our two absent-minded accidents, and to wondering: Are we doing too much right now? Are we too busy to keep ourselves healthy, or even to notice when we are not healthy?
The answer is definitely yes. The farm is getting busier, which is the main thing. And the day-to-day life tasks involved with being adults and running a family – they just seem insurmountable at times, especially with two full-time working parents.
I am constantly making resolutions about slowing down and being present. I don’t know what else I can do to actually make this life change! All I can think of are these strategies:
a) Turn it over. In recovery, we talk a lot about letting go of things that seem to be unmanageable or out of your control. I am wondering if slowing down is one of those things that I need to turn over to the magic of the universe and just stop worrying about. I mean, I resolve on at least a monthly basis (if not weekly or daily!) to slow down, and I still catch myself rushing from place to place. So I don’t think another resolution will help.
This is me, turning it over. I’d like to slow down; it seems impossible. Your move, Universe.
b) Catch up. I feel like I have some pretty good systems in place for staying organized and accomplishing tasks, but it also feels like we’re all always ten steps behind. I don’t want my whole summer to be swallowed up by adulting, but I do think summertime is a good chance for me to catch up.
If we ARE getting cosmic messages, it’s a good time for it. (For me! Tamara can’t slow down because farming is relentless.) It’s summertime baby! Slow and steady equals a relaxing and refreshing summer.
I have always loved the idea of summertime having a different vibe than the rest of the year. I enjoy it when my life feels seasonal – cozy and homey in the winter, active and fun in the spring, adventurous and busy in the summer, and slowing down in the fall.
A few years ago, I remember reading something Gretchen Rubin wrote, about wanting summer to have a different feel. She talked about people who actually live someplace different in the summer – they spend the summer at the beach or in the mountains or abroad. (Which I would love to do someday!) I’ve noticed that some friends achieve a different feel to their summer either by a) enjoying Summer Fridays at their jobs, when everyone is allowed to leave early on Fridays, or b) changing up how and where they spend their weekends, like retreating to a country home or the beach for Saturdays and Sundays.
This year, my summertime will DEFINITELY have a different vibe. This is my first summer off after starting a new job as a school social worker at my local middle school. And I am pumped. Psyched! And also, curious. Because what will it look like, to have the summer free to be home with my boys and to write and to have open, lazy days when we have no requirements for where we have to be and what we have to do?
I don’t know, but I am so excited to find out.
The vibe I want to cultivate for my family is all about rhythm, routine, recreation, and rest. I want to establish an enjoyable and healthy rhythm for our family; I want to create beneficial routines for all of us that we can carry into the next year; I want to have FUN and adventures!; and I want us all to have a good rest from the running around we’ve been doing all spring.
I love summer because it is a huge opportunity to press the reset button – to start new habits and to change the rhythm of everyday life. We have had a bonkers year – that post will be coming soon! – and it’s time for us to have a restful, rhythmic, fun-but-not-bonkers summer. I can’t wait. Which is good because it starts TODAY!
Slowly, surely, Jonas’s sleep is getting better. Last night, he only woke up once for a night feeding; it was wonderful.
There are many things that have been on the back burner for the last nine months. Things would come to my mind, and I’d consciously tell myself, You can’t deal with that until Jonas starts sleeping through the night. True or not, this has been my policy. And now that “sleeping through the night” seems within our reach, I want to set some intentions for what I want to focus on once we reach that milestone.
A big improvement with my bedtime hygiene. Ugh. My bedtime hygiene is awful! Right now, I eat a candy bar, and then fall asleep with my clothes on and the light on while listening to a TV show on the iPad. My goal is:
No bedtime candy!
No podcast or TV show playing.
Create a regular schedule for exercise and writing, including early morning time and evening time. These pockets of my day – early morning and evening – have mostly been lost to sleep, since the middle of the night has not been reliable for sleep. 🙂 And exercise and writing (as well as meditation) have taken a huge hit since my time became limited. I’ve done a good job of squeezing them in when I can (IMHO) but I’m going to amp up in all three areas once Jonas is sleeping through the night.
Focus on maintaining a healthy diet. I am really trying to make this a priority NOW – cutting back on candy and caffeine and eating well. However, I make terrible choices about food and drink when I’m tired, and while I am working on this at the moment, I am also trying not to beat myself up about not maintaining a perfect diet at this incredibly hectic and sleep-deprived season of my life.
Make a plan for flow/life alignment. Right now, I am too exhausted to make sure that my whole life is aligned with my values. But I want to make this a priority for once my sleep is more reliable. I am inching closer and closer to where I want to be, I think – but sometimes I don’t even know where I want to be! Do I want to buy yogurt pouches to keep as snacks, because they’re easy and encourage Edgar to be independent? Or do I want to prioritize the environment and limit waste? I really don’t know. And, importantly – I am too tired to figure it out at the moment.
This may be another post that is updated if I think of more goals.
I am also noticing that most of my recent posts have been related to goal setting. I like that a lot; it shows that, in contrast to my nature, I am learning to think ahead, at least a little.
A few months ago, I decided I wanted to start keeping a seasonal bucket list.
I am not a big planner, and I’m not great at planning ahead. That’s why I think a bucket list might be helpful to me. It will be a list of things I’d like to do each season; like picking blueberries at a local fruit farm in the summer or a camping trip in the fall. I don’t feel any obligation to the list; it’s not about checking off every single item on the list. For me, it’s about not forgetting the things I want to do. I don’t want to let the entire season go by and realize I haven’t done something I and my family would have enjoyed just because I forgot it was a thing!
I actually have been hoping to do this for the past two seasons, but this is the first time I’ve gotten it together enough to make a Seasonal Bucket List. (My aggressive summer planning helped!) The list is a mix of things that are easy and hard, close to home and a little further away.
In this post, I’m also including info about summer routines and rituals I’d like to cultivate as well as littler activities that I’d like to do many times over the summer, like sidewalk chalk and painting.
Summer Bucket List
Attend a Mommy & Me yoga class with one (or both) of the boys. This has been a goal since Edgar first came home! And let me be clear: when I say “both” of the boys, I mean separately. A yoga class for me and Edgar, and then a different yoga class for me and Jonas. I am not crazy enough to think I could manage a two-year-old and a nine-month-old while in tree pose.
Attend the Baltimore Book Festival in September.
Visit the trains at Leakin Park.
Visit Annie’s Playground. (It’s early June as I’m writing this, and I actually already accomplished this one! Such a cute playground. And way to go me for being on top of my bucket list before summer even starts!)
Go to a splash pad.
Create a summer playlist. I do NOT listen to enough music! Every once in a while, I have a dance party with the boys, and they love it as much as I do.
Hike at Codorus State Park.
Do [something fun] in York. We live about 30 minutes south of York, PA – pretty much the same distance we are from Baltimore – and we’ve never really explored it. I’m hoping this could be a good activity for the whole family on a day Tamara is off.
Attend a pre-school yoga event at the library. This would be a class just for Edgar, which is why it’s different from #1.
Visit Watkins Regional Park.
Take the tent outside to play in/camp out.
Go to Gunpowder Beach.
Go to Sandy Point State Park.
Make alphabet letters with Edgar.
Visit Storyville at the Woodlawn library.
Visit the Pop-Up Playspace at Kenilworth.
Go to Port Discovery Construction Zone.
Visit the zoo in Baltimore. I can’t believe we’ve never been!
Work through your 2019 Playground Bucket List! I don’t know if this will actually happen, but I had an idea for making a big list of all the cool playgrounds in the area and working through the list whenever we had a random free day. I’m keeping it here just in case!
Summer Routines & Rituals
One thing I have noticed about myself, as a person and as a mom, is that I like routines a lot. I feel really good about things that happen every week – like making pizza on Fridays and going to soccer on Saturdays. It’s predictable and already planned out; once you get the routine going, it all happens relatively automatically, and I love that.
Over the summer, I am hoping to have a good rhythm to my weeks, with certain kinds of activities happening on certain days. This will be SUPER flexible – I love routines, but I’m also all about breaking them whenever I want!
Writing (for me) and school (for the boys) on Tuesdays and Wednesdays.
Shop for groceries on Wednesday or Thursday afternoons.
Help with harvest on Fridays.
The library on Friday mornings – yay story time!
Pizza on Friday evenings.
Breakfast for dinner on Sunday evenings.
Rainy days = bake bread and make cookies!
The other activities I’ve been thinking about engaging in regularly are: baking bread, making cookies (with cookie cutters!), visiting a coffee shop, going for a hike, or enjoying a fun surprise. But I don’t think I want the summer to be too planned out, and I want to leave lots of time for play dates with friends and just general spontaneity. 🙂
Everyday Activities (Play On Repeat)
And finally – there are the things I want to do over and over all summer long.
Walks on the NCR trail.
Draw with sidewalk chalk.
Play with bubbles!
Biking! (With kids in the trailer or with kids on their own bikes!)
The creek and the rest of our property.
Kiddie pool, water table, and sprinkler!
Build forts. (Inside and outside!)
Lots of play dates. (Good for the boys to play with other kids and good for ME to have contact with another adult!)
Do floor puzzles. (We need more of these!)
Make cookies with cookie cutters! (I don’t love stuck inside days, and we usually go outside for a while even if it’s raining; but I am a little excited for rainy day cookie parties!)
I fully expect to update this post periodically as I think of more things to do! There are six days of school left. Then – SUMMERTIME!
There are 11 days left in the school year. Said differently, it is two weeks until summertime!
I am so, so excited to have the summer free for writing, self-care, and spending time with my boys. It’s one of the biggest reasons I wanted to work at a public school.
I have noticed recently that one of my weaknesses as a human is my inability to plan ahead. It became clear as Mother’s Day approached. I started to daydream about creating a Shutterfly book with photos of the boys to give my mother. This daydream began on Saturday – the day before Mother’s Day. Sigh.
One of my big life goals is to get better at planning ahead. It was easier to just go with the flow when I was younger, but being an adult requires planning, whether it’s scheduling play dates or thinking through a travel itinerary.
When I started thinking about this, I realized that I want to be extremely intentional about planning out my summer. There will be vacations and play dates and beach days. There will be days when the boys go to day care and I have the day free for farming and writing, and there will be days when I am home solo with the boys all day while Tamara works.
I actually wrote a private post, just for me, that is extremely detailed with how I want to spend each type of day. But that seemed a little boring and “in the weeds” for a blog post! So instead of a play by play of how I’ll be spending every single summer day, here’s a list of some of the themes I am hoping to cultivate this summer:
Lots and lots of writing time! On my days with no kids, the goal is to write as much as possible. I am excited to try this out and really motivated to finish a draft of my novel this summer. (Which is an ambitious, but totally doable, goal.)
Adventures. I’m creating a huge summer bucket list, filled with activities to do with the boys. It includes places in and around the city to visit and things to do at home.
Exercise. Yoga, running, or biking. Preferably running – a long, long run every morning.
A slower pace. Time for the boys to gently wake up, and time for me to wake up and do some grounding exercises. Life will be less rushed in summertime. I think I need the rest, and I think the boys do, too, especially Edgar. He can get pretty wiped with four days a week of pre-school and early morning wake-ups.
Everyday self-care. This might be my biggest goal for the summertime. It’ll take a big change in my habits! I really want to incorporate self-care into my everyday life and routines so that I stop crashing and burning twice a month all year long.
Morning and evening check-ins. This goes together with the goal of a “slower pace.” I want to cultivate a habit of checking in with myself (and my planner) every morning and every evening.
This is my first post about Aggressive Summer Planning. However – my aggressive summer planning can not possibly be contained in one post. I have at least two more drafted, with my Summer Bucket List and a proposal of weekly/daily routines that I want to establish over the summer. Stay tuned!